Confessions Of Libby Nicolson
by IWishIHadWeasleyHair
Summary: Reasons why my life is at the tip-top of the poonosity scale: 1. My sister Gingey is preggers and has heartlessly kicked me out of my own bedroom (as I have complained numerous times before). 2.I've got an accidental date with Fart Boy. 3. The Loon Troop think I'm in love with my bestest-male-pally. And sadly, I am not, so I am destined to live sad and alone, surrounded by cats.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there! I present to you my second story on this site! Are you excited mon pallies? I know I am:) **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Josh, Libby etc or the world they appear in. That all belongs to Louise Rennison, the lucky thing;P **

Chapter 1

Return Of Gingey

_**Tuesday December 31**_

_**New Years Eve **_

_**Sat on sofa with creepy Cousin James**_

**10.56pm**

I hate New Years Eve. Every single year my so-called 'family' insists we have a 'lovely get-together', which basically means piling all of my nutty relatives in the same room, dancing to their sad music and getting shamelessly drunk.

"So, Libby, how old are you now?" My vair elderly cousin James asks smiling creepily at me. I think he fancies me. Which is v. v. scary as I'm only 14, on the brink of womanhood, and he is probably well on his way to getting an OAP card. "14? Wow, well you sure have _grown_ since last year." I should be calling social services over this; it's totally incestuous! Though I wont, because he is right, I've grown A LOT. I wear a bra and everything now. Though it's normal-sized, unlike Georgia's or Mutti's. THEIR bras are so massive they could probably use them to carry their shopping.

Or as slings…That's actually not a terrible idea thinking about it…

**Half an hour later**

Finally got rid of cousin James. Mutti forced me to do the Macarena with Grandvati. It really doesn't bare thinking about.

**Two seconds later**

Though he is surprisingly flexible…

**Half a second later**

Oh great, now I am going to need therapy in order to recover my sanity.

**11.35pm**

This is it! I'm calling ChildLine! Vati and Uncle Eddie have offered me alcohol! If I become a drug wielding manic (and I admit to being rather manic in the first place) then it will be entirely THEIR fault!

**5 minutes later**

This Champagne stuff tastes truly vile. Feel quite sophisticated though, perched on the sofa with my drink.

**11.47pm**

On my third glass, if I gulp it down REALLY REALLY quickly then I can't even tell how awful it tastes.

**Two minutes later**

I'm drunk! I tried to leap of the sofa when Georgia's boyfriend Dave plopped down next to me, (I think I was rightfully terrified! I'm just minding my own business one second, the next I'm being eclipsed by Dave The Laugh's bottom!) And ended up falling over. It was ok though because I fell sideways onto his lap. He laughed at me, sitting me back down properly,

"Easy tiger, I think I might have to confiscate that drink." He smiled at me…Cor…He has quite a nice crinkly smile. Even for an oldie.

**5 seconds later**

Gasp! I grudgingly gave him my drink, (as I _was _a bit dizzy) and then he WINKED at me AND CHUGGED DOWN THE REST OF THE GLASS! Honestly, is anyone here even the slightest bit responsible?

**2 seconds later**

Grandvati's girlfriend (who truly IS an oldie) has just started dancing on the dining table…I'm going to take that as a definite no.

**11.50pm**

Dave is staring quite intensely at Gingey, who is dancing with cousin James.

"That James a bit odd isn't he? A bit of a…" He trailed off, searching for the right word.

"…Massive pervert?" I offered v. v. helpfully, if I do say so myself.

"Yes. Yes he does give that impression." He agreed. I see why he got nicknamed Dave The Laugh. It's because he's very much a, well, laugh.

"You are the Laughvati," I observed, probably because I'm a bit tipsy. Luckily, he laughed it off (don't know why I'm surprised really…) and linked arms with me,

"And you are my Laugh in arms, Libs." He told me. Which made me go a bit smiley and jelliod if I'm honest. Only a teensy bit though.

**10 seconds till midnight…**

**9…**

**8…**

**7…**

**6…**

**5…**

**4…**

**3…**

**2…**

**1…**

Everyone cheered and jumped up and down and started hugging each other. Dave suddenly lifted Gee and I up in a massive bear hug, which was quite funny. I'm starting to feel a bit weepy actually… It's been yonks since the whole family's been together… I may never tell anyone this, but I've really missed Gee since she moved in with Dave…

**Half a bloody second later**

Oh lord Sandra they have started sucking face. Urgh. Straight to number 6 as well! Well, they are certainly not wasting any time.

**30 seconds later**

Oh goody they have stopped now. Mutti has stepped onto the table (after helping granddads girlfriend down)…at least she's stopped balancing the pretzel bowl on her basoomas, (a v.v. funny party trick… Not.)

"I have an announcement to make!" She told us all, before motioning for Georgia to join her on the table "Georgia and her boyfriend Dave have some _magical_ news for us…"

_**Wednesday January 1**__**st**_

_**Lying In my lovely bed, for possibly the last time ever**_

_**3.00am**_

Hate the world.

**3.01am**

Georgia has a bun in the oven.

There is a mini-Laugh on the way.

She's bloody preggers you daft things!

But that isn't the worst of it; because they don't have enough squids to keep renting there grotty flat and look after a baby, Gingey and Dave are moving in…

And she wants my room back.

**5 minutes later**

This is so unfair! How come _I_ have to move back into my old room? It's tiny!

**2 minutes later**

And orange. Apparently I had quite strange taste as a child…

**4 minutes later**

Oh lord Sandra and Gordy's gammy right eyeball! Dave the L was supposed to be sleeping on the sofa downstairs, but I just heard him sneaking into the spare room with Gee! Blergh! Blergh! Blergh!

**1 minute later**

Oh Jesus that's disgusting.

**1 second later**

Something horrific beyond belief has just occurred to me!

-If Gee is knocked up that means her and Dave have REACHED NO.10 ON THE SNOGGING SCALE!

**3 seconds later**

I'm sorry; this is too much for me. That is the last straw. I'm going to be forced to join a nunnery, or at least go live with Josh. Of course, his Mutti will not be very happy, she hates me because apparently I gave Josh a Mohican and wrote BUM on his forehead when I was five. Which was YONKS ago for Lord Sandra's sake.

**Half a second later**

Quite frankly I'm impressed I could spell bum at the age of five. But of course, nobody else appreciates my talents.

**And there it is, Chapter 1! Tell me what you all think:) I'm sorry if some of the facts are wrong I haven't read the Gee Nics series in a SHAMEFULLY long time… Toodle-pip and hats off to you my little ****friendlets!**


	2. The Loon Troop

**Bonjour my little pals, I am back! Thank you sooo much to Pixie Flight 15 for your FABBY review! Also Midget Gems and thanks to mrslaugh for following. You are both stars! So chapter 2 is up! Yay! Sadly chapter 3 is proving SEHR hard to write, because it is vair hard to capture Joshes loveli****ess. So, because I love you all (in the least lezzy way possible) I am going to make a vair big sacrifice; even though I am v.v. busy i am going to re-read the whole Gee Nics series, so I may get back into the gist and thrust of things.**

**Speaking of which this chapter is a bit more…risqué than the last one. It has a sprinkle of all thing ruddy-dudey and je ne sais quoi;P Enjoy my little friends and tell me if you like it!**

Chapter 2

The loon troop

_**Wednesday 1**__**st**__** January**_

_**Sat at the kitchen table**_

_**With Georgia**_

**At the crack of midday**

"Mutti told me to remind you that you need to move all your stuff back into your old room again by tonight." She said with a big smile on her face. Honestly. I hope my mouth isn't as big as hers, whenever she smiles like that her nose spreads out across her face in a v. scary way.

"This is so unfair, why do you get my room?" I do wish she'd keep her voice down; I have a terrible headache from yesterday.

"Well, actually Libs, it was MY room for longer than it has ever been YOUR room so logically…" I gave her such an evil glare that she shut her gob. "In any case it's the only room big enough for Dave and I…" Oh, good lord not this again.

"Can't you at least wait a while? You do realize that Josh is coming over for a sleepover on Saturday right? If I move into the orange room then he will quite literally have to sleep UNDER my bed!" She tutted at me, shaking her head as Dave came in.

"I can't believe Vati is still allowing him to sleep in your room when your almost 15! He didn't let _Dave _in my room at night until I was 20!"

"That is because you would have spent all night snogging Davey-boy! Plus, he let Cousin James sleep in your room and he is MUCH creepier than Josh."

"Just because Vati thinks Josh is his matey-type-mate it doesn't mean you can be trusted by yourselves-"

"Now, now girlies, stop fighting, I'm making breakfast and I need a calm atmosphere unless you want me to accidently burn down your kitchen." Davey boy said matter-of-factly.

**2 minutes later**

He's wearing an apron.

**1 minute later**

Mutti's apron.

**20 seconds later**

The pink one. With the flowers.

**11.20am**

Dave The Laugh made bacon and egg sandwiches. That's very nice of him isn't it? Gingey obviously thinks so, because she started snogging him as thank you.

**11.22am**

** "**Oh for gods sake you two! Get a bloody room." I snapped finally, "You're putting me off my sandwich."

"I think we will," Davey boy joked.

"Wow. You two are even more disgusting than Mutti and Vati." Dave patted me on the head,

"Sorry, Bibs, no more snogging then." I grinned at him; I knew I liked Dave for a reason. Gee stuck out her lower lip all poutily, fluttering her eyelids vair shamefully at Dave,

"No more snogging?"

"…in front of Bibs," He said, winking at her. Ew. I take it back. As they walked out arm in arm Gee turned back, probably to tell me how much she loved me etc.

"Oh, and can you please take Our Lord Sandra with you, I don't think I can sleep with him looking at me." Grrr….

**3.00pm**

THE LOON TROOP HAS ARRIVED!

**3.30pm**

I was all sulky and such and walked into my bedroom sad as a sad thing and the next thing I knew, Ellie was tackling me onto my bed.

"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed as KitKat sat on me. And she is not tiny.

"Bonjour mon pally!" She cried, kissing me on both cheeks, she has just been on a trip to frogs-legs-a-go-go-land, the mad thing.

"I…can't…breathe…" I gasped, eyes bugging out like a goldfish.

"Whoops, sorry!" she finally got off me. Finally.

"How did you guys get in here?" I asked, confuzzled.

"Your sister told us she's making you move rooms and that she felt a wee bit guilty, so she invited us to help you move out." Aww…really? That is vair unlike Gingey! Perhaps all those pregnancy hormones are making her a bit nutty. Maybe now that she is in such a loving mood she will buy me some straighteners? I jolly hope so, after all, I'm being vair understanding about her brutally robbing me of the haven that is my bedroom.

**2 minutes later**

Oh, how I have missed my little gang! We all had a little ceremony, praying to our lord Sandra, apologizing for taking him down from his little shrine and moving him to a measly little bookshelf next-door.

**6.30pm**

It is done. We are all squished together in a row on my bed, looking round at my new room, which basically means staring at the orange opposite wall which is almost brushing up against our noses.

"Well, this is nice." Helen said, shrugging and accidently elbowing Jess in the ribs.

"Youch!"

" This absolutely sucks doesn't it?" I moaned, flopping back on my bed and almost knocking myself out on the wall.

"It doesn't _absolutely _suck…" Ellie said kindly, leaning around KitKat to pat me on the head kindly. I raised one eyebrow at her. "It doesn't! Think of the memories you have in this room!"

"Like what?" I sulked.

"Like… when you pooed on the floor because you're mum wouldn't give you those cookies." Ew! I did _not_ do that!

"When did I do that?"

"When you were 5, you told us once in truth or dare, and swore us all to secrecy." Oh god I did…we all peered over the edge of the bed in horror.

"At least they've changed the carpet…"

"A-hem, or that time in year 3 when you and Josh drew trouser snakes all over the walls!" Helen giggled. Heehee, now that I remember…

"Mutti went nuclear and made Vati paint over it, but Vati thought it was hilarious and left one behind the bookshelf, for old times sake…" I told them.

"Really?" KitKat grinned, "Let's see then?"

"Haha, alright, if you insist." I pushed the bookshelf out the way and sure enough there was a patch of light blue paint on the wall, with a wobbly felt-tip drawing of a trouser snake in the middle of it, I know it was Josh who drew it, because he has written his 'signature' underneath.

"Well that is vair rudey-dudey if you ask me, but also, very, very, funny." Helen said in a voice that dripped in tip-top sophisticosity. I am beginning to feel a teeny-weeny bit less depressed about my new room.

**½ a minute later**

Stood up too quickly and bashed my head on the sloping ceiling.

Only a teeny-weeny bit then.

**7.00pm**

OH DEAR LORD SANDRA! YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!

**7.10pm**

The loon troop had been called home for there rations, so I was walking them to the door to say goodbye, and just as we came up to the bathroom door, it swung open and out came…

**1 second later**

Drum roll please…

**30 seconds later**

Dave The Laugh! In a TOWL!

**1 minute later**

He looked up at us all surprised with his hair dripping; we all just stared back in shock.

"Oh, hi girls, Bibs," He nodded at us awkwardly.

"Nug." What? What? What does that even mean? Drool was pooling in the corner of Sky's mouth and we looked like a row of traffic cones.

"Sorry, I forgot my trousers." He told us with his crinkly smile. Yes, yes it appears he did. Also his shirt…and socks… Oh dear god. How is it possible someone can be THAT fit? It is impossible that's how. The paint in my room probably gives off toxic fumes and now we're all hallucinating. There was a little drip of water that was sliding down the side of his nose, and I stared at it as it fell onto his chest and slid downwards…

"-Libby? HELLO?!" Dave practically shouted, dragging me back to the present.

"Wha-? Yes?"

"Could you girls move up a little please? You're blocking my way…" Oh GOD! THIS IS SO EMBARRASING!

"R-Right you w-want to get six-pack –I MEAN PAST! I said past!" I squealed and we all leaped out the way like a group of leaping things.

"Thank you girls." He walked back to my old room (a.k.a his new room).

"Oh no, thank _you_!" Kat said loudly as we all turned to watching him walk away, shaking his head. I thumped her quite hard, "Ow! Still, did you see the pecs on that one? Phwoarrrr…"

**7.20pm **

Great. Now I will have to hide in my room for the rest of time because of the shame. Stupid towel. I cannot believe that MY GINGEY managed to pack such a hunk! How? HOW? Has she got some sort of luck gene I have missed out on? I will never meet anyone that good-looking. I'm destined to marry a manky Foxwood lad. Or worse, to become an old cat lady.

**2 minutes later**

Gordy has crawled onto my new bed with me. There is almost not enough room for both of us. I gave him a big cuddle and kissed him on the nose. You see? I am half way to becoming an old cat lady already!

**5 seconds later**

Oh lord, Mutti is calling me for din-dins! Oh god oh god oh god…

**7.40pm**

**At the table opposite Gee and Dave**

Sweating so much I dropped my fork.

**2 minutes later**

Perhaps he didn't notice me staring at his chest? Perhaps he though my eyes where glued in place? Perhaps…

**1 second later**

"So, Libs, have you recovered from the shock yet?" Gingey said, smirking at her plate.

"What?" I squeaked. Mutti is sniggering behind her hand.

"Don't tease her, Gee." Mutti scolded her and Vati laughed.

"Don't worry, Bibs, everyone's been perved at at some point, I'm sure Dave's used to it by now, he's a good-looking young lad." Vati winked at me, which is v.v. horrifying to witness.

"Oh dear lord Vati, don't tell me you're on the turn!" Gee said in horror. I turned to Dave,

"Did you have to tell HER of all people?!" He shrugged apologetically,

"Sorry Libster, you know me, I can't pass up a laugh…" I huffed irritably and turned my nose in the air.

"…I was quite looker myself back in the day, wasn't I darling?" Vati asked Mutti, who laughed like a hyena for like five minutes straight. I looked around at my 'family'. Honestly, since when does Georgia get on with the elderly loons? Am I the only sane person here?

**20 minutes later**

I'll tell one thing though; Dave sure is the only fit person here.

Phwoarrrrr….


End file.
